Ending a marriage in California can be done without hiring lawyers or going to court—instead, couples use a process called divorce mediation. Naturally, working things out in mediation also helps you complete your divorce faster, and you can make sure your efforts are successful by watching out for these common reasons divorce mediations fail, brought to you by Divorce Options San Diego, San Diego divorce mediators who offer a one-stop shop approach for couples looking for a way to dissolve their marriages amicably and with mutual respect.
1. Starting with the Wrong Attitude
In most cases, two people have already gone through some tough times before they decide to get a divorce. While you may feel tempted to try to get revenge on your ex-spouse for things he or she did wrong, this isn’t the time. It’s also important to understand your goal isn’t to come out the winner in the situation. Instead, it’s better to enter into divorce mediation with an open mind that allows you to focus on developing an agreement that works for everyone’s needs.
2. Avoiding Critical Decisions
There are certain things the state of California requires to be decided during your divorce. For instance, couples with kids must submit a plan for child custody, visitation, and support. While you may want to avoid talking about tough topics, the truth is these decisions must be made sooner or later. Choose to work through them now so your mediation effort doesn’t end in failure.
3. Failing to Disclose Essential Information
Your divorce mediator will ask you and your ex-spouse for essential information. For instance, you’ll need a list of assets and debts. You may also need to furnish your kids’ schedules and other details that help you all stay on the same page. If you fail to disclose essential information, the truth will eventually come out. Omitting details can also cause your agreement to be rejected by the court if it’s discovered you haven’t told the full truth about your situation.
4. Listening to Bad Advice from Others
When you get a divorce, you need to rely on the support of your family and friends. However, everyone’s divorce is different. Don’t get tripped up by listening to bad advice from people who claim to have been in your shoes, as this could cause you to enter the process with a negative attitude or the wrong information for handling decisions.
5. Skipping Mediation Appointments
Your life is busy, but it’s essential to attend every mediation appointment. Skipping them causes the process to be drawn out longer. Your ex-spouse may also become frustrated and seek other types of divorce arrangements. Try to attend every appointment and be on time. If you must miss one, make sure it’s for a good reason.
6. Refusing to Try to See the Other Side
While it may be difficult to see things from your ex-spouse’s perspective, it’s important to try to see what he or she is thinking. Be willing to see it as a process whose goal is mutual satisfaction, and it’ll be easier to make decisions that are for the greater good.
These are just a few ways divorce mediation could fail if the parties aren’t ready to commit to the process. Nevertheless, for couples in San Diego, divorce mediation may be the ideal choice when they’re ready to go their separate ways. If you’re interested in learning more about how mediation works and why more people are choosing it every day, call the mediation experts at Divorce Options San Diego at 858-281-2628.
If things aren’t working out between you and your spouse, it may be a good idea to start planning for a separation. Taking the time to make plans before you actually leave can help you avoid a lot of headaches later on. It’s especially helpful if you and your partner can sit down and discuss these plans, but this may not be the wisest course in all marriages. Here are some things you need to keep in mind when you’re finalizing your separation plans, brought to you by the experienced professionals from Divorce Options San Diego, divorce mediators San Diego couples trust to develop creative solutions that leave both parties satisfied and ready to move on with their lives.
Carefully Consider Goals and Timelines
The first thing you need to do when you start considering a separation is think about what you hope to get out of it. Do you want you and your partner to take a break and give your marriage time to heal, or do you want the separation to be the first step toward a divorce? Do you want an informal separation, or are you ready for a formal legal separation that’s filed with the court? When does the separation go into effect, and how long do you hope it will last? Are you going to tell your partner now or wait until it’s time for one of you to leave? Setting clear expectations for you and your partner can make the separation go more smoothly.
Make Sure You Provide Stability for Your Children
A separation is a volatile time, so if you have children, it’s very important to include them in your plans. Some couples find it helpful to let the kids stay in the family home while the parents rotate back and forth between an apartment. You can also plan to do things like visit usual vacation spots, keep up with afterschool activities, and maintain your children’s normal schedule to help them feel secure.
Begin Separating Finances
Finances are one of the biggest causes of conflict during a separation, so it’s a good idea to go ahead and begin splitting them. It’s easiest when both spouses are employed so you can both create private bank accounts and handle things separately. However, if one spouse isn’t employed, you may want to discuss a monthly budget to help things go smoothly.
Make Sure You Have Access to Important Items and Documents
You won’t actually divide all your shared possessions until the divorce, but it can be a good idea to get a start on this by ensuring you have access to anything you need. Make sure things like your pet’s registration, the title for your car, and other legal proofs of ownership include your name. For shared accounts, include your name or email address on them. Gather your birth certificate, passport, family heirlooms, and other difficult-to-replace items in an area where you can easily pick them up and take them with you when you leave.
If couples do choose to divorce and want the opportunity to make the process as smooth, respectful, and amicable as possible, there’s an amazing alternative to the animosity and high costs of traditional divorce: divorce mediation. San Diego couples can rely on Divorce Options San Diego’s experienced divorce mediators to handle every aspect of their divorces, and there will be no need to spend a small fortune on litigation. To learn more about how we can help with legal separation and divorce mediation, call the expert mediators at Divorce Options San Diego today at (858) 281-2628.
When you decided to get your divorce, one of your biggest questions was likely how long the whole process would take. Going through a divorce can leave certain parts of your life in limbo, and you’re naturally eager to get things straightened out. As you get ready to enter divorce mediation, here’s what you should know about how long it typically takes and what you can do to keep things moving at a smooth pace, brought to you by Divorce Options San Diego, San Diego divorce mediators who offer a one-stop shop approach for couples looking for a way to dissolve their marriages amicably and with mutual respect.
Consider the Average Time Required
There truly isn’t a cookie-cutter divorce, since everyone’s finances, family dynamics, and children are different, which is why mediation is considered more beneficial than just going to court. In mediation, you and your spouse get to have more say about how important decisions are made. You may even know someone who has been through the process themselves. In most cases, mediation is completed within four to six weeks. However, some people can take much longer, and this may be the case for you if your situation is complicated.
Think About Your Situation
During your first mediation appointment, you can expect to go over some basic details about your marriage, such as the assets you have in common as well as your family dynamics. For instance, you may have started a family business together or gained a large inheritance. These types of situations may lengthen the amount of time you spend in mediation, and this may be especially true if you and your spouse don’t agree on essential things, such as who should have child custody. While the point of mediation is to work these things out, it can take longer for some people than for others.
Understand the Importance of Not Rushing
People enter a divorce with different mindsets, and it’s common for one or both partners to just want to get the whole thing over with. Finishing mediation is a huge step toward moving on with your life, yet you shouldn’t rush the process. Each mediation appointment addresses critical decisions that impact the rest of your life. In many cases, you’re also making decisions that affect your children, other family members, and pets. Rushing through any one of these decisions can lead to costly mistakes, and trying to reverse a divorce agreement is much more difficult than just doing it the way you feel is right the first time.
Remember Your Role in Successful Mediation
While you and your spouse shouldn’t just agree to everything so you can get it over with, you should also remember not to be so antagonistic that nothing gets accomplished. When you find yourself saying no to your spouse, consider your reasons. If you’re both willing to work through the process with open minds, you’ll find that with high-quality mediation, little to no compromise will be necessary. Instead, the team from Divorce Options San Diego focuses on creating new value and identifying different options.
For couples in San Diego, divorce mediation may be the ideal choice when they’re ready to go their separate ways. If you’re interested in learning more about how mediation works and why more people are choosing it every day, call the mediation experts at Divorce Options San Diego at 858-281-2628.
Disclaimer: This article doesn’t constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation, it’s best to seek the advice of an experienced legal professional.
The question of household chores, homemaking, and who contributes to a marriage is something many people put on the back burner, muddling along as best they can with kids and, sometimes, several jobs. But what happens when divorce enters the picture? Divorce forces us to evaluate the investment of our time and energy, which may not always be valued with money.
In a landmark settlement, an Argentinian housewife was awarded $179K for her years of homemaking while her husband went out to work. When the couple initially divorced, the wife faced financial hardship, while the man “had a good time.” The now 70-year-old ex-wife was awarded $179K in recognition that household chores and homemaking are a “job.” The ruling was affected by the wife’s education level (she had an economics degree but was too old to work after the divorce). Therefore, the wife was judged by the court to be someone who had sacrificed a promising career to take care of the household.
Fairly Valuing Each Spouse’s Investment in the Marriage
Even though this “straight down the middle” division of household and economic labor is less common in America, women still report doing more household chores and frequently cite the emotional “labor” involved in being the family manager and strategist. This work is often invisible, hard to quantify, and/or not valued. Many women feel insecure about asking for the financial value of their homemaking in a divorce. For example, a San Diego homemaker who works part-time and shares some household chores with her husband may not see her contribution in terms of money or lost opportunity.
Before grievances and regrets about these decisions can settle in, turning to mediation can help divorcing partners come to a fair agreement about the value of their time, energy, and choices. This may sound complex, but at Divorce Options San Diego—professionals who are transforming the divorce process with expert divorce mediation San Diego couples rely on for customized divorce solutions—we seek clarity by using sound mathematical and psychoanalytical approaches such as game theory to determine separate interests and mutual benefits. We combine the financial and the emotional to come to a fair assessment of each partner’s investment in the marriage. California recognizes the need in many cases to support former spouses in their new lives (the term “spousal support” is in recognition of this). There are calculations such as “imputed income” to determine how much a former spouse will earn. At Divorce Options San Diego, we can give you back control over your divorce so you can plan for your mutual financial benefit. We demystify and take the stress out of these calculations and provide room for conversations about the value of your contribution.
Our Services and How We Can Help
Our mediators are caring, educated professionals who build divorce around conflict resolution, closure, and practical solutions for your future life, even beyond divorce. When considering divorce, many people assume they’re facing an expensive battle, expecting a “win-lose” outcome and numerous court appearances. At Divorce Options San Diego, we reframe divorce as an opportunity to generate creative, optimized solutions for your future and your kids’ future.
We never litigate. We don’t do adversarial work, and we never represent one spouse against another. We empower divorcing spouses to own their divorces and craft sustainable, effective mutual agreements that will last long after the divorce is finalized. We are a one-stop shop providing a bundle of essential divorce services, from paperwork, court documents, and financial analysis to divorce transition coaching, life coaching, and interior design. We cater to those with busy lives who want the best for themselves and their children.
The mediators at Divorce Options San Diego are all certified financial planners who apply thorough analysis to your divorce to achieve an optimized result that will cover all aspects of your financial situation, including investments, property, and all other assets or debts. We provide a sophisticated review of your community property, separate property, potential community property allocations and divisions, cash flow, transitional processes, and sustainable financial planning for your divorce process. All the practical, legal, financial, and psychological aspects of fair, respectful divorce agreements can be managed by Divorce Options San Diego’s experienced, trustworthy divorce mediators. San Diego couples can rely on our comprehensive process, which is so thorough there won’t be a need for attorneys.
Mediation is a 100 percent confidential process, so you can be assured your divorce will be handled with care and privacy. At Divorce Options San Diego, we emphasize an efficient, caring process that leaves out no detail relevant to your emotional, financial, and legal situations. This leaves you free to get on with your life and care for your kids and yourself, both during and after your divorce. We have offices in Solana Beach, CA, but can work with you remotely at your convenience using telephone, video conferencing apps, and other forms of electronic communication. Please contact us at (858) 281-2628 for a discreet and confidential consultation to see how we can help.
Divorce isn’t just one event. It’s a procession of events that can often seem like a play in many acts. Unlike watching a play, however, you have the option to design the order of some of the events. Those who divorce can often be pioneers of the process without knowing it. Just coping in your own way can be something entirely new that no one has ever done before. When coping with divorce, some of the most difficult parts may have nothing to do with the legal aspects of the separation. For example, moving into a new space after divorce can be a process fraught with conflicting emotions, irritating logistics, and difficult choices. You might feel like the “exile,” first moving into the spare bedroom and then having to move into a different space, changing your commute to work and your morning routine, and maybe even staying with friends.
Managing the “Moving” Parts
When you’re divorcing, you might suddenly find yourself part of a team of people you rely on and consult with to make the divorce happen. From your lawyer and/or mediator to your therapist to your kids’ teachers to your financial advisor, you find you’re lost in a maze of forms to fill out and cues you need to respond to. At Divorce Options San Diego, we are a full-service San Diego divorce mediation firm that helps you handle everything from documentation and paperwork to moving out. It can be helpful to come to terms with the fact that all parts of the divorce—not just the legal aspects—are legitimate parts of the process. It’s okay to ask for help or expand your divorce team if moving is stressing you out. You might need, for example:
- A real estate agent
- Moving professionals, storage, and a U-Haul
- An interior design consultant for your new place
- A financial advisor
- An attorney who can advise on property or updating your will
At Divorce Options San Diego, divorce is always viewed as a system of moving parts and often involves many professionals. We help people manage their divorce teams and can act as divorce transition coaches, business coaches, and life coaches as well as mediators.
When it comes to moving, divorce is most definitely a hands-on affair. We can connect you with realtors and interior design consultants, and we can even help you move. Often, the “next act” of divorce—your new life after divorce—is neglected. At Divorce Options San Diego, we believe the design of your new space can help you shape your post-divorce life. Whether you rent or buy an apartment for yourself or acquire an apartment for “nesting” that you share with your co-parent so you can spend time with your kids, the design and organization of your space helps you lay down better patterns in your behavior and relationships. We can factor these choices into your divorce negotiations and put you in touch with professionals who can help you make the practical and design decisions.
Our Services and How We Can Help
At Divorce Options San Diego, we are highly qualified professional mediators and certified financial planners with psychoanalytical expertise. Our mediators are caring, educated professionals who build divorce around conflict resolution, closure, and practical solutions for your future life. Many people who are divorcing assume they are facing an expensive battle, expecting a “win-lose” outcome and numerous court appearances. At Divorce Options San Diego, we reframe divorce as an opportunity to generate creative, optimized solutions for your future and your kids’ future.
We never litigate. We don’t do adversarial work, and we never represent one spouse against another. We empower divorcing spouses to own their divorces and craft sustainable, effective mutual agreements that will last long after the divorce is finalized. We are a one-stop shop providing a bundle of essential divorce services, from paperwork, court documents, and financial analysis to divorce transition coaching, life coaching, and interior design. We cater to those with busy lives who want the best for themselves and their children. We can help you complete your divorce from beginning to end.
If you require help with your divorce transition, we offer divorce transition coaching, divorce coaching, life coaching, and business coaching. We can work with all aspects of your post-divorce life to make your transition as fruitful and empowering as possible, including career coaching, retraining, working with financial wealth advisors and other professionals, moving services, connecting you with realtors, and helping with interior design for your new space.
The San Diego divorce mediators at Divorce Options San Diego are all certified financial planners who apply thorough analysis to your divorce to achieve an optimized result that will cover all aspects of your financial situation. At Divorce Options San Diego, we emphasize an efficient, caring process that leaves out no detail relevant to your emotional, financial, and legal situations. This leaves you free to get on with your life and care for your kids and yourself, both during and after your divorce. We have offices in Solana Beach, CA, but can work with you remotely at your convenience using telephone, video conferencing apps, and other forms of electronic communication. Please contact us at (858) 281-2628 for a discreet and confidential consultation to see how we can help.
Divorce mediation offers you a way to end your marriage without hashing everything out in court and helps you keep things civil, which is especially important when children are involved. However, you may be worried about what exactly happens during mediation. Divorce Options San Diego—professionals who are revolutionizing the divorce process with expert divorce mediation San Diego couples trust to help them create amicable, customized divorce solutions—offer this advice about what to expect so you can be prepared and ready to work out an agreement.
A Mediator Is a Neutral Party
The first thing you need to remember during divorce mediation is that the mediator is there to help you and your spouse work through any disagreements. The mediator doesn’t take sides and can only offer you advice about what the laws are in California regarding divorce. This neutral position allows the focus to stay on you and your spouse working out what you both want in the divorce.
Working with a Mediator Separately Can Produce the Best Results
Dissolving a marriage can get complicated. Over the years, you might have done things together such as start a family, buy property, and even begin a joint business venture. For this reason, you shouldn’t expect to reach a complete agreement right away.
At Divorce Options San Diego, we talk with each party separately to learn what they really need from the process—psychologically, financially, and otherwise. Our professionals have training and extensive experience in strategic game theory and psychoanalysis, so we’re also able to help each party address the deep unconscious issues he or she is trying to solve.
We rarely conduct mediation through joint meetings because they heighten anxiety, exacerbate stress, and often cause the parties to be guided by their emotions rather than higher order cognition, which includes flexibility of thought, problem-solving and planning abilities, abstract thinking, and creativity. On the rare occasions when we do conduct joint sessions, we use video conferencing so the parties aren’t in the same room.
Mediators Gather Information Throughout the Process
The mediator will examine the assets and debts you’ve accumulated during the marriage, but that isn’t all a good mediator will focus on. At Divorce Options, we gather a lot of financial information while connecting emotionally, building trust, and forming alliances with our clients. We collect much of the information at the beginning of the process and continue to collect more as we go.
Our cases are complex, and all the issues tie together. Once we work out a community property net value, we do a thorough analysis and present at least a few options for division that are optimal financially, socially, relationally, and psychologically. Our goal is to manage these in a process that minimizes stress for each party. We do both a legal/financial analysis and a needs-based analysis and bring these two different worldviews into integration. These analyses may involve a wide variety of complex tasks, including those relating to child support, spousal support, QDROs, stock options division, family business valuation, family money, prenups, postnups, 401Ks, income differentials, and, sometimes, currency conversions due to international factors.
Mediation Doesn’t Mean You’ll Have to Compromise
In most cases, people get divorced because of betrayal in some way or incompatible life goals. You’ll probably go into mediation expecting it to be a back-and-forth process of give and take. However, if you’re willing to work through the process with an open mind, you’ll find that with high-quality mediation, there’s little to no compromise needed. Instead, the team from Divorce Options San Diego focuses on creating new options and new value.
All the financial, legal, psychological, and practical aspects of honorable, respectful divorce agreements can be managed by Divorce Options San Diego’s experienced, trustworthy divorce mediators. San Diego couples can rely on our specialized comprehensive process, which is so thorough they won’t need to hire attorneys. To learn how we can help you with every aspect of your divorce, call us today at (858) 281-2628.
When you’re first going through a divorce, it may feel like nothing good can possibly come from it. Alternatively, you may feel like you finally have a new lease on life. Either way, it helps to know that many people emerge from their divorces with a more positive outlook. During challenging times, keep these six positive things about divorce in mind to help you look toward the future with an optimistic attitude.
1. You Can Be a More Positive Role Model for Your Children
Conflicts with your spouse can make it hard to model good behavior. While you may try not to fight in front of the kids, they naturally pick up on tension. You may also find yourself so stressed out by the issues in your marriage that you can’t focus on enjoying special moments with your kids. Once you get a divorce, you can let go of the issues you had in the past and model kindness for your children.
2. You Can Finally Focus on Yourself
Marriage requires you to constantly take the other person’s needs into consideration. During your marriage, you may have skipped activities you enjoyed or spent a lot of your time doing things for your partner. Being single means you can make decisions based solely on your preferences. Rediscovering activities you loved before you were married can be intellectually, creatively, and emotionally invigorating.
3. You Might Find Things Get Easier with Your Ex
It may be hard to believe now, but divorce sometimes helps two people develop a better relationship. Without the stress of marriage, you may find your ex is enjoyable to talk to when you run into each other. Keeping things as civil as possible by working out your agreement through divorce mediation can help you retain respect for each other, which can turn into a nice friendship down the road. This is one of the most rewarding outcomes that can result from working with Divorce Options San Diego—experienced professionals who provide premier San Diego divorce mediation services to couples seeking creative divorce solutions.
4. You Can Discover New Interests
Couples often give up on a few hobbies once they have the responsibility of managing a marriage and children. Once you’re on your own, you’ll be free to start exploring new activities. Whether you gave up dancing in the past or have always wanted to try fly fishing, go out there and do it. You’ll feel good after doing some self-improvement. Even further, being divorced will give you greater freedom to explore and discover your more authentic self.
5. You May Feel Happy Again
People sometimes don’t realize how truly miserable they’ve become until their marriages end. Being unburdened by the weight of the stress your marriage generated offers the chance to enjoy more positive feelings. Discovering a deep sense of personal happiness influences every part of your life.
6. You Can Expand Your Social Circle
Whether you swore off dating again or can’t wait to jump into the dating pool, you now have the chance to get out there and mingle. Making new friends always feels good, and an expanded social network also means opportunities to find even more exciting activities to enjoy.
Ending a marriage isn’t easy, but working with divorce mediators can help your whole family look ahead to the next phase of life with optimism. The experienced San Diego divorce mediators at Divorce Options San Diego offer a one-stop shop approach for couples who are looking for a way to dissolve their marriages amicably and with mutual respect. To learn more about our groundbreaking approach to divorce, give us a call today at (858) 281-2628.
When divorcing couples live in a large city like San Diego, it’s relatively easy to part ways and start their new lives as separate individuals. Newly single ex-spouses have greater freedom to explore opportunities they may not have considered when they were married. However, if they have a child, it’s more complicated. How do you take opportunities and balance your needs with your responsibilities as a co-parent? In divorce, as in marriage, sacrifices may still be required for the good of both of you (and your child), but there are ways to have more of what you want and still be a responsible parent.
In mediation, working together gives back ownership of the divorce process to you both. You can decide how you co-parent, with the caveat that your child comes first. Location is a key factor in what’s best for your child. School districts can determine a lot. And what if your child already has a budding talent for something a certain school doesn’t cater to, such as sports or dance? Location will be very important in these decisions. The good news: mediation can help. When they work with experienced divorce mediators, San Diego couples can make these decisions together in a way that benefits the whole family. Often, these choices are more a matter of sensibility and logistics than anything else.
Being There for Your Child—Literally!
If you have the option of staying closer to your child, that may be preferable. If you’re living in a big city like San Diego, staying close may be more convenient. When you’re relocating completely, your parenting arrangement will be uneven. If you’re close by, it’s 50/50, but how close should you be? You don’t have to be next-door neighbors with your spouse (or live in the same house, as is all too common in modern divorces these days), but you may have to be careful not to promise a co-parenting arrangement you can’t deliver on. You don’t want to be the stereotype of the mom or dad who misses the child’s school play. These decisions call for quite a bit of compromise and, often, some sacrifice. If parents need to stay within the same part of the city for their child, these deals must be made taking into account both parents’ jobs. Who is the higher earner? Who has the longest commute? Who has the dream job that’s irreplaceable? Divorce Options San Diego uses proven conflict resolution strategies such as game theory to help you see your choices in the light of mutual benefit. As long as you can make your self-interests work for you and your child, a compromise can be found.
Putting Your Child’s Education & Outside Interests First
When deciding where to locate for your child, education is usually a top priority. There may be other concerns, such as whether the area is safe and child friendly or whether your child’s friends live there. The problem is parents can have different ideas about what constitutes a good education. Some parents may want their child to have private school education. Other parents may prefer public schools.
Then there are after-school activities. Depending on the age of your child, the school’s focus may need to line up with what the child wants for his or her career or college education. The child’s after-school activities, if they’re in a different location than the child’s school, may need to be considered in terms of your new location. Again, these decisions can involve differing values, from ideas about parenting (how much you want your child to work at his or her favorite activity and how much you’d like to see him or her just be a child), to social, political, and religious ideas about the kind of school your child attends. At Divorce Options San Diego, we tackle these choices on a number of levels, both practical and emotional. We can use psychoanalytical know-how to help you make decisions that are a reflection of your values, supportive of your co-parent, and in your child’s best interests.
Using Our Mediation Services: How We Can Help
At Divorce Options San Diego, our mediators are caring, educated professionals who build divorce around conflict resolution, closure, and practical solutions for your future life, even beyond divorce. We are highly qualified professional mediators and certified financial planners with psychoanalytical expertise. Contrary to the stereotype of the traditional conflict-ridden divorce, we focus on mutual benefit. We reframe divorce as an opportunity to generate creative, optimized solutions for your future and your children’s future. We empower divorcing spouses to own their divorce and craft sustainable, effective mutual agreements that will last long after the divorce is finalized.
We are a one-stop shop providing a bundle of essential divorce services, from paperwork, court documents, and financial analysis through divorce transition coaching, life coaching, and interior design. We cater to those with busy lives who want the best for themselves and their children. We can help you with all aspects of your post-divorce life, including finding schools for your children and managing the challenges of balancing parenting and career. If appearing in person is difficult, we can mediate remotely, which can be helpful when ex-spouses have relocated or homemakers and full-time workers have different schedules. You can mediate with your spouse in the same room or not, depending on your comfort level.
San Diego Divorce Options puts a high premium on a peaceful, child-centered divorce. We use developmental psychology, attachment theory, psychology of grieving, and family systems psychology to help you and your children through a difficult emotional transition. We can assist you with the tools to stay connected to your child even if you aren’t the primary caregiver. With our expertise and experience in divorce mediation, San Diego couples can be confident in our 100 percent confidential process and rest assured their divorces will be handled with care and privacy. We emphasize an efficient process that leaves you free to get on with your life and care for your kids and yourself, both during and after your divorce. We have offices in Solana Beach, CA, but can work with you remotely if necessary using telephone, video conferencing apps, and other forms of electronic communication. Please contact us at (858) 281-2628 for a discreet and confidential consultation to see how we can help with your divorce mediation.
Where you live can determine a lot of things, from your cost of living to your job opportunities to your relationships. One of the most painful things that can happen in a divorce is relocating to a place where you aren’t physically able to see your child as much, which may mean moving to a different town or suburb of San Diego, where your work schedule or traffic prevents you from traveling. It could also mean moving out of state or even internationally. It’s often more a question of logistics than anything else. At Divorce Options San Diego, we frequently work with couples who need multistate parenting plans, regional parenting plans, and international parenting plans, helping them design their divorces with their locations in mind. Each of these types of parenting plans has its own unique characteristics, and we write all of these for our clients.
Being More Than a Weekend Mom or Dad
Whether you’re a weekend mom or dad or you only see your child during holidays, the first thing you’ll have to deal with is the adjustment, which can be heartbreaking. Divorced parents often talk about the sadness of “the switch,” when you’re waving goodbye in the rearview mirror after you hand your child over to your co-parent. Parents who have relocated or live too far away for equal parenting arrangements face the common problem of being the “fun,” weekend, or holiday parent, which may leave you feeling left out of the child’s life in other important everyday ways.
Uneven parenting calls for careful negotiation with your co-parent over not just the quantity but also the quality and function of time spent with your child. There may be issues ranging from a parent’s protectiveness (banning children from doing risky activities such as horse riding), to an uneven breakdown of responsibilities, to a lack of information. For example, one parent might leave another parent uninformed about important healthcare information. When roles are uneven and information isn’t forthcoming, it can be difficult to remain connected to your child and provide care and guidance. In mediation, you can make an overview of your current parenting arrangements and agree on a parenting plan that gives you both the opportunity to remain connected to your child. At Divorce Options San Diego, we know parenting plans aren’t just a matter of fixed scheduling. They must be both strategic and flexible to take advantage of important and day-to-day events in the child’s life.
Understanding the Power of Electronic Communication
In a recent study published in the Journal of Family Issues, teenagers were found to do better when parents kept in touch via messaging apps such as WhatsApp. Even if messages are short, there’s great value for a relocated parent in maintaining a consistent presence in his or her child’s life. Kids can bond with parents over many things that can be shared and discussed remotely, such as sports results, TV shows, sharing photos, or playing online games. Negotiating with your co-parent might be necessary so he or she doesn’t interpret your communication with your child as monitoring his or her parenting, and shared content should be suitable for the child’s developmental level.
Being more than the “fun” mom or dad could involve helping your child with homework (remotely via Skype or Zoom). It could also involve keeping tabs on your child’s Internet use. The important thing is that in mediation, you and your co-parent can decide. Mediation is non-adversarial and doesn’t dictate your parenting plan or fix it in place forever. At Divorce Options San Diego, we emphasize empowerment, growth, and the value of ongoing negotiation and the freedom to adjust your plan.
Looking After Yourself Helps You Be There for Your Child
When you only see your child occasionally, it can impose a burden on you to perform or make you feel left out of the important decisions about your child. Being the weekend mom or dad could mean every holiday is spent being a parent. At Divorce Options San Diego, we combine the practical with the emotional, using psychoanalytical and mathematical tools to help you shape parenting arrangements in a mindful way. We can work with the developmental level and attachment styles of the child. For example, a younger child may need more physical contact and cuddles or, in the case of a distantly relocated parent, more screen time (rather than text messages), which could include reading a bedtime story to your child. We also work with your own psychological needs and help you design a schedule to reflect your legitimate needs, giving you more energy to be a good parent.
Using Mediation Services: How We Can Help
At Divorce Options San Diego, we are highly qualified professional San Diego divorce mediators and certified financial planners with psychoanalytical expertise. Our mediators are caring, educated professionals who build divorce around conflict resolution, closure, and practical solutions for your future life, including beyond divorce. When considering divorce, many people assume they’re facing an expensive battle, expecting a “win-lose” outcome and numerous court appearances. At Divorce Options San Diego, we reframe divorce as an opportunity to generate creative, optimized solutions for your future and your children’s future.
We empower divorcing spouses to own their divorce and craft sustainable, effective mutual agreements that will last long after the divorce is finalized. We are a one-stop shop providing a bundle of essential divorce services, from paperwork, court documents, and financial analysis through divorce transition coaching, life coaching, and interior design. We cater to those with busy lives who want the best for themselves and their children. If appearing in person is difficult, we can mediate remotely. We use Zoom, Skype video, web conferencing, texting, and other forms of electronic communication for convenience, multistage situations, and international situations. You can mediate with your spouse in the same room or not, depending on your comfort level.
Divorce Options San Diego puts a high premium on a peaceful, child-centered divorce. We use developmental psychology, attachment theory, psychology of grieving, and family systems psychology to help you and your children through the difficult emotional transition. We help co-parents build parenting plans that are legally sound and will withstand the challenges of parenting, even if national or international relocation is involved. We can assist you with the tools to stay connected to your child even if you aren’t the primary caregiver. Mediation is a 100 percent confidential process, so you can be assured your divorce will be handled with care and privacy. At Divorce Options San Diego, we emphasize an efficient, caring process that leaves out no detail relevant to your emotional, financial, or legal situation and your children’s needs, which leaves you free to get on with your life and care for your kids and yourself, both during and after your divorce. We have offices in Solana Beach, CA, but can work with you remotely if necessary using telephone, video conferencing apps, and other forms of electronic communication. Please contact us at (858) 281-2628 for a discreet and confidential consultation to see how we can help with your San Diego divorce mediation.
By the time you choose to file for divorce, you may feel as though you’ve run out of options for saving your marriage. While you may no longer be able to live with your spouse, you do have options for planning a divorce that keep things as amicable as possible. Knowing about these options for getting divorced can help you take the right first steps toward dissolving your marriage. The experts from Divorce Options San Diego, the divorce mediators San Diego couples can rely on to manage all the financial, legal, and practical aspects of respectful divorce agreements, offer information about your varied choices.
You Can Skip Giving a Specific Reason
California is considered to be a no-fault state, which means you don’t have to give a specific reason for getting a divorce. Being able to leave personal issues such as infidelity out of the public records is a benefit that also allows you and your spouse to begin your new lives with a clean slate. When you file for your divorce, you can simply say you have irreconcilable differences so no one has to assume guilt for the ending of your marriage.
You Can Sometimes Choose the County
The state of California has a residency requirement of at least six months before you can get a divorce from your spouse. You’ll also need to live in a county for three months before you file for divorce there. In some cases, you and your spouse may meet the California residency requirement but live in separate counties. If so, you can choose which county to file in as long as you’ve lived in your respective counties long enough to fit the residency requirements.
You May Be Eligible for a Summary Dissolution
A summary dissolution is a faster and easier option compared to a traditional divorce. If you’ve only been married for a short time, it might be worth checking to see if you’re eligible for this option. However, it isn’t possible for everyone. To dissolve your marriage or domestic partnership in this manner, you’ll need to meet specific criteria that demonstrate the simplicity of ending your relationship. According to Section 2400 of the California Family Code, these include:
A marriage may be dissolved by the summary dissolution procedure provided in this chapter if all of the following conditions exist at the time the proceeding is commenced:
- Either party has met the jurisdictional requirements of Chapter 3 (commencing with Section 2320) with regard to dissolution of marriage.
- Irreconcilable differences have caused the irremediable breakdown of the marriage and the marriage should be dissolved.
- There are no children of the relationship of the parties born before or during the marriage or adopted by the parties during the marriage, and the wife, to her knowledge, is not pregnant.
- The marriage is not more than five years in duration at the time the petition is filed.
The conditions listed above are only a part of the relevant law regarding summary dissolution in California. For full information about this option, make sure to seek the advice of a professional legal services provider.
You Can Use Mediation to Resolve Your Divorce Out of Court
The prospect of going to court tends to increase the stress involved with getting a divorce. In fact, battling things out with your spouse in the presence of a judge who doesn’t know your relationship isn’t the best way to handle your divorce. With divorce mediation, San Diego couples can talk about the various aspects of the divorce with a neutral party. By coming to an agreement through mediation, you can then draft an agreement that’s processed by the court without having to stand before a judge.
Couples can rely on Divorce Options San Diego’s experienced divorce mediators to manage every aspect of their divorces, and our focus is on ensuring fairness and mutual satisfaction for both spouses. To learn more about how our comprehensive divorce mediation process can be the ideal solution for you, call Divorce Options San Diego today at (858) 281-2628.
The content in this blog is meant solely for informational purposes and educational discussion of legal topics, services, and products. It provides only general information about legal matters. It is not legal advice, and it should not be treated as legal advice.
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