You might think a second marriage would be destined to last, since couples tend to have learned a few things after getting divorced once. However, second marriages are more likely to fail, which can sometimes surprise people who discover they’re headed for another divorce. Although there’s no single reason subsequent marriages are at greater risk for divorce, there are some challenges that commonly occur when people get married for a second or third time. The team from Divorce Options San Diego—professionals who are transforming the divorce process with expert divorce mediation San Diego couples rely on for customized divorce solutions—offer this analysis of why second marriages often end in divorce.
Some People Remarry Too Quickly
Divorces can sometimes take so long that people begin dating during the process or shortly after, often leading to early remarriages that might occur before people have time to fully heal. Bringing negative energy into a new marriage may cause more strife than might be present if a couple waits a little longer.
Second Marriages Often Involve Children from First Marriages
Many people who get remarried have children from their first marriages. Children can naturally bring joy to a new marriage, but there can also be issues with blending families. Young children may require more care than new spouses expect. Older children may resent new stepparents, and this can lead to issues with discipline.
Other People Generate More Stress
Second marriages tend to have more people involved. For instance, there might be an ex-spouse who visits the home regularly to see the children, which can sometimes generate issues such as resentment and jealousy. Some divorced individuals are still friends with their former in-laws, or their own families may wish they’d never gotten divorced. Dealing with so many other people’s thoughts about their previous and current marriages can be upsetting enough to cause couples to argue.
People Don’t Do Necessary Psychological Healing & Growth Work
In a contentious divorce, a person might put all the blame on his or her spouse and view the divorce as something that must be done to eliminate all the problems the other person caused. A person with this viewpoint might not do the emotional work he or she needs to do to find out how he or she contributed to the divorce. The main reason second marriages fail is because new spouses haven’t done their psychological healing and growth work. Once entering second marriages, they may just continue to do the same things, leading to the same ending as the first marriages. Thus, second marriages are set up for failure. Third and fourth marriages are even worse.
Divorce Might Feel Less Scary
People in first marriages may be afraid of getting divorced, which can cause them to put off ending those marriages for as long as possible. By the time they’re in their second marriages, people have been through the process and realized it doesn’t have to be as bad as they’d feared. During second divorces, people already know what didn’t work the first time around, and they may be likely to choose mediation to keep things civil. Although no one typically wants a second divorce, knowing what to expect makes it easier to decide to end the marriage.
All the practical, legal, financial, and psychological aspects of fair, respectful divorce agreements can be managed by Divorce Options San Diego’s experienced, trustworthy divorce mediators. San Diego couples can rely on our comprehensive process, which is so thorough there won’t be a need for attorneys. To learn how we can help you with every facet of your divorce, call us today at 858-281-2628.
Divorce might be an ending, but it can also represent a new beginning. Viewing your divorce as an opportunity for a fresh start can help you stay positive. Once you’ve started to make the arrangements for your divorce, you can begin working through these ideas to help you reinvent yourself as the person you’ve always dreamed of becoming.
1. Give Yourself Time to Grieve
You can’t be your best self if you’re holding on to negativity. Your divorce represents a painful ending to an important part of your life. It’s normal to feel emotions such as grief, anger, and even regret. Allow yourself to work through these emotions so you can develop a healthier perspective about your divorce.
At Divorce Options San Diego, we are highly qualified professional San Diego divorce mediators with psychoanalytical expertise. Our mediators are caring, educated professionals who build divorce around conflict resolution, closure, and practical solutions for your future life. We reframe divorce as an opportunity to generate creative, optimized solutions for your future. We use developmental psychology, attachment theory, psychology of grieving, and family systems psychology to help you through the difficult emotional transition.
2. Analyze Your Present Self
You may realize you no longer know who you are when you’ve been married for a while. Spouses sometimes take on roles that require them to change their hopes and dreams. Now is the time to think about who you are in the present moment. Then you can begin to shape a fresh view of who you want to become.
3. Avoid Focusing on Your Ex-Spouse
Now that your marriage is over, it’s important to avoid ruminating about your ex. Your former spouse is also trying to move on with his or her life, and you don’t want to play the comparison game. It doesn’t matter whether your ex is dating, starting a new career, or anything else. It also no longer matters what he or she thinks about your new lifestyle, as long as it’s positive for any children you have together.
4. Embrace New Roles
Now that you’re single, you may be doing things you never had to do before. Whether you now have to mow the lawn or pick up groceries on the way home from work, these are new experiences that can help you become a better person. Embrace them, and look for more opportunities to do new things.
5. Do Something Completely Out of Your Comfort Zone
Reinventing yourself means moving away from what you’ve always done. Think of something completely out of your normal routine, and make plans to do it. Whether you go ballroom dancing or choose to hike up a mountain, you’ll feel more confident about who you’re becoming.
6. Pick Up a Regular Hobby or Activity
You may not have had time for some of your favorite activities when you were married. Now you can take that class or pick up a paintbrush. The idea here is to find something you can do on a regular basis. Taking weekly dance lessons or setting aside time every night to write offers you a chance to focus solely on your personal development.
7. Set Goals for Your Future
The new you may also need some new goals to work toward. If you’re returning to work, consider setting some career goals. You might also want to buy a new house or car or plan a vacation.
8. Spend Time with Different Types of People
You’re also now free to spend time with whomever you want. While you might not be ready to date yet, you can choose to meet new people through shared activities and support groups. Getting to know other people can enhance your perspective on who you want to be going forward.
Divorce Options San Diego is a full-service mediation firm that can help you work through your divorce on a number of levels, from practical to legal to emotional. As San Diego divorce mediation experts with psychoanalytical expertise, we emphasize an efficient, caring process that leaves out no detail relevant to your emotional, financial, and legal situations, leaving you free to get on with your life and care for yourself, both during and after your divorce. We have offices in Solana Beach, CA, but we can work with you remotely at your convenience via telephone, video conferencing apps, and other forms of electronic communication. Please contact us at 858-281-2628 for a discreet and confidential consultation to see how we can help.
The average age for a person to get married for the first time is around 27 for women and 29 for men. While this indicates people are waiting longer to get married, it still hasn’t changed the average age when most people get divorced. Today, the average age for a person’s first divorce occurs around the time he or she is 30. It’s also interesting to note the majority of divorces occur among adults under the age of 40. The professionals from Divorce Options San Diego, the experts in divorce mediation San Diego couples rely on for creative alternatives to contentious and costly divorces, discuss the connection between age and divorce.
Average Length of Marriages
You might have heard about the seven-year itch, which is a time when people tend to start feeling dissatisfied with their marriages. Although no one is really sure why people get unhappy around the seven-year mark, it’s important to realize many marriages only last this long. Dealing with the sources of your marital unhappiness during this time could potentially save your marriage. However, most people still end up divorced, even if it takes a little longer.
Reasons for Younger People to Get a Divorce
People under the age of 40 are often in the busiest times of their lives. Married people may be raising children, building careers, and caring for their senior loved ones during this life stage. Due to so many changes occurring, it’s common for conflicts to arise between spouses. People who got married young may also realize they’ve simply grown apart and want to pursue different dreams.
Why Older Adults May Divorce Later in Life
Approximately 40 percent of divorces involve couples over 40. People in this age range may choose to get divorced after years of being unhappy or waiting for their children to grow up. Some people divorce due to infidelity, just as younger adults might. Money and health issues can also strain marriages that are already weakened. Since some people in this age group have already been through divorce, they may not fear going through the process again.
Issues that Must Be Addressed During a Divorce
The age at which you get divorced affects some of the decisions you need to make. Younger people may need to make arrangements for child custody and visitation. Older adults may be more concerned about how they’ll split their retirement assets or who will stay in their home. The majority of couples need to decide how to split their property and debts regardless of their age, but older adults may have more at stake. Fortunately, mediation is an option you can use no matter how old you are during your divorce. This method helps you work through your issues and begin setting up a solid foundation for the next stage in your life.
Divorce is difficult at any age, so having a plan for starting over can help a great deal as you’re ending your marriage. One way to focus on that plan during your divorce is to work with experienced divorce mediators. San Diego couples can benefit enormously from the expertise of the team at Divorce Options San Diego. With backgrounds in law, finance, conflict resolution, and psychology, we empower couples to dissolve their marriages with respect and mutual satisfaction and move on to the next stage of life with optimism. To learn more about our revolutionary divorce mediation process, give us a call today at 858-281-2628.
Filing for a divorce often feels like a last-ditch effort to preserve some type of civility when a marriage has reached a boiling point. In some cases, one partner wants a divorce, while the other is hoping the whole thing will blow over. While you may not be able to stop the divorce, you do have options for making things better. In most cases, seeking a divorce doesn’t save the marriage, but you might be able to use this process to improve your relationship.
Why Spouses Choose to Seek a Divorce
There’s no easy way to know if filing for divorce could save your marriage, because spouses decide they want to get divorced for many different reasons, and what’s acceptable to you may or may not be forgivable to someone else. In most cases, the time to try to save your marriage is before you start the divorce process.
Mediators are experienced in helping people work out their differences and reach mutually satisfactory agreements. When they’re thinking of hiring divorce mediators, San Diego couples who aren’t sure they want to divorce should seek mediators who also offer marital mediation services for couples who may want to stay married. Marital mediation (which isn’t the same as marriage counseling) is practical and goal oriented, and it often results in clearly written agreements that keep marriages intact and provide for easy resolution if couples decide to divorce in the future.
Divorce Options San Diego’s marital mediation service focuses 4–12 weeks of meetings with our clients to see if they can save the marriage. If they cannot, then they’re better prepared to go through the divorce in a good way.
Understanding What Happens if You Try to Work Things Out
In some cases, going through mediation does cause one or both spouses to suddenly question whether they really want to get divorced. If this happens in your situation, your mediator can suspend the process of reaching a divorce agreement while you and your spouse evaluate the progress you’ve made so far. It’s also common for couples to change their minds again and wind up back in mediation. The mediator will already be familiar with your issues and concerns, so you can pick back up where you left off.
Ways to Accept a Divorce You Don’t Want
Most people who get married believe it will last forever. It’s normal to be upset about a divorce, and you may wish it wouldn’t happen for a variety of different reasons. Going through a divorce you don’t want is painful, but there isn’t much you can do once your spouse is determined to see it through. In this case, your best bet is to find ways to cope with it as positively as you can. Find people you can talk to who will help you work through the process of finding acceptance.
How Mediation Improves Your Relationship
Spouses often find mediation helps them begin to see each other from a more positive perspective. Working with a professional mediator helps you learn positive communication methods you can use during the rest of your relationship. You may still have contact with your spouse after the divorce if you have kids or work together. Keeping your divorce civil helps you look forward to a better relationship that’s no longer as contentious as it was during your marriage.
Couples can benefit enormously from the expertise of the team at Divorce Options San Diego, the experts in divorce mediation San Diego couples rely on for an alternative to contentious, disrespectful, and costly divorce proceedings. With backgrounds in law, finance, conflict resolution, and psychology, we empower couples to dissolve their marriages with respect and mutual satisfaction and move on to the next stage of life with optimism. To learn more about our revolutionary divorce mediation process, give us a call today at 858-281-2628.
Valentine’s Day isn’t an easy time when you’re not in a relationship. The holiday that honors romantic love can be particularly difficult if you’re getting divorced. It sells an image of love as an exclusive romantic pact that doesn’t survive change or adjustment. But times are changing. “Galentines” for gal pals and other Valentine traditions that go beyond romantic love are taking off. Even breakups are changing. For many people, especially millennials, the ’70s Kramer vs. Kramer idea of divorce is becoming antiquated. Younger people are more likely to think divorce is about working together to make the most of their assets and ensure their children are protected.
Love Letters from Exes
Anyone who has seen the Oscar-winning movie Marriage Story will recall the key motif that bookends the movie: two love letters written by the divorcing spouses to each other in mediation. The parties walk away from mediation and fall prey to the influence of hardball divorce lawyers who convince them they need to fight. However, the message is that it didn’t have to be that way.
Choosing a Process that Lets Your Heart Grow
While there’s no denying the pain of breakups, they can be thought of as either tragedies or opportunities. Some exes allow themselves to fall into conflict. Sometimes their spouses may be genuinely deserving of their anger. But conflict doesn’t make the aggrieved party feel better. It just prolongs the divorce process, keeping spouses tied together.
At Divorce Options San Diego, we combine professional expertise in mental health (psychoanalysis) with practical and financial expertise, giving you the opportunity to grow after your divorce. The key to allowing your heart to grow is choosing a process such as divorce mediation that lets you work through the split in an empowered and emotionally conscious way. You don’t have to deny the pain to have a good breakup. Your ex-spouse might not immediately become your best friend, but you can choose whether to react or learn from the experience.
Even if Valentine’s Day seems like a holiday designed exclusively for romance, a day that celebrates caring about people might not be such a bad thing in the world we live in. As someone who has chosen a caring divorce, you’re actually in a better position to understand and spread the message of what love really means. Perhaps getting there seems impossible, but with mediation, there’s a way to get past even situations such as these:
- You’re fighting over your children – Marriage Story is a master class in how not to handle a custody dispute. The problem is being unable to prioritize what really matters—the wellbeing of your children. What if, instead of feeling like an aggrieved spouse, you could reimagine yourself as a hero for your children? Divorce mediation helps you sort out your most important priorities and interests and thus reimagine the conflict. At Divorce Options San Diego, we allow you to detach from negative emotions by using tools such as game theory that clearly show where your mutual interests lie. We also help you focus on the practical issues of co-parenting and where you can find compromise in your schedules, locations, and finances.
- Your spouse was unfaithful – The relationship with your spouse can become tainted by acts of betrayal. The problem is that history is part of you, and attacking your spouse eventually causes damage to yourself. Some spouses also blame themselves for their breakups. At Divorce Options San Diego, we can help you get back in touch with the love you have for your spouse and yourself. We can help you with exercises in self-knowledge and self-care, better ways of relating to your spouse (especially if you have to work together to parent), listening, and conflict reduction skills to negotiate new family dynamics if your spouse is moving on with another partner. Finally, we’re a full-service firm that can help you with anything from career coaching to support for divorce-related logistics, such as selling your home.
It’s painful to face the prospect that the love you and your spouse had may die, but it doesn’t have to haunt you. In fact, it can transform into something better. In mediation, you can start to imagine a life for yourself that grows out of your divorce and forms into a new and more expansive love for yourself, your kids, and your support network.
Our Services and How We Can Help
At Divorce Options San Diego, we are highly qualified professional San Diego divorce mediators and certified financial planners with psychoanalytical expertise. Our mediators are caring, educated professionals who build divorce around conflict resolution, closure, and practical solutions for your future life even beyond divorce.
When considering divorce, many people assume they’re facing expensive battles, expecting “win-lose” outcomes and numerous court appearances. At Divorce Options San Diego, we reframe divorce as an opportunity to generate creative, optimized solutions for your future and your kids’ future. We never litigate. We don’t do adversarial work, and we never represent one spouse against another. We empower divorcing spouses to own their divorces and craft sustainable, effective mutual agreements that will last long after their divorces are finalized. We are a one-stop shop providing a bundle of essential divorce services, from paperwork, court documents, and financial analysis to divorce transition coaching, life coaching, and interior design. We cater to those with busy lives who want the best for themselves and their children. We can help you complete your divorce from beginning to end.
If you require help with your divorce transition, we offer divorce transition coaching, divorce coaching, life coaching, and business coaching. We can work with all aspects of your post-divorce life to make your transition as fruitful and empowering as possible. Our San Diego divorce mediation services include career coaching, retraining, working with financial wealth advisors and other professionals, arranging moving services, connecting you with realtors, and helping you with interior design for your new space.
Divorce Options San Diego puts a high premium on a peaceful, child-centered divorce. We use developmental psychology, attachment theory, psychology of grieving, and family systems psychology to help you and your children through a difficult emotional transition. At Divorce Options San Diego, we emphasize an efficient, caring process that leaves out no detail relevant to your emotional, financial, and legal situations, which leaves you free to get on with your life and care for your kids and yourself, both during and after your divorce. We have offices in Solana Beach, CA, but we can work with you remotely at your convenience via telephone, video-conferencing apps, and other forms of electronic communication. Please contact us at 858-281-2628 for a discreet and confidential consultation to see how we can help.
Married couples often look around to see if other people seem to be as happy or as miserable as they are in their relationships. Although on the surface it can be difficult to tell if your marriage is normal compared to others, you can take a look at recent statistics to get a little insight. According to a report commissioned by eHarmony in 2018, approximately 64 percent of Americans claim to be happy in their relationships. While this shows the majority of people say they are happy, it does raise some concerns that the number isn’t higher. Couples need to be aware of the following factors that tend to generate the most conflict in marriages and increase the risk of divorce.
Handling Finances Differently
Money issues are a huge concern for married couples. If you’re a saver who is married to a spender, you can expect to see some conflicts when you watch the constant changes in your bank account. Couples can try to work through these differences by choosing to focus on a common goal, such as paying down debt or increasing their savings.
Having Different Expectations for Physical Affection
There are certain physical aspects of marriage that couples don’t always see eye to eye on. For instance, one partner may expect more physical affection, while the other one isn’t interested at all. Couples who disagree over the ways they show their love often end up quite unhappy. This issue tends to present itself in very serious ways, such as one spouse choosing to seek physical affection outside the marriage. Infidelity is one of the leading causes of divorce, and the negative emotions it generates make it extra important to use San Diego divorce mediators to ease communication during the process of obtaining a divorce.
Arguing Over the Division of Labor
You might have also gone into your marriage with different expectations regarding the roles you and your partner would play. For instance, your spouse’s version of a stay-at-home parent may vary drastically from yours. One or both of you may subscribe to traditional gender roles that cause one person to get angry if the other person doesn’t follow his or her script. Couples often fight about little things that must be done around the house, such as who takes out the trash or washes the dishes. While some of these arguments may seem petty or minor, they can add up to serious discord in a marriage that eventually leads to divorce.
Dealing with Different Views of the Future
There are also times when couples just drift apart. You might have married young and have developed new dreams for the future that don’t align with your spouse’s. For example, you may want to move for your career, and your spouse would rather stay in his or her hometown. These marriages also sometimes end in divorce when neither person can agree on how to proceed happily with the other person’s plans.
People who are no longer happy in their marriages don’t have to get caught up in a contentious process that breeds hostility. If you want an alternative to hiring lawyers and going through a drawn-out, acrimonious process, reach out to the team at Divorce Options San Diego, experienced professionals who provide premier San Diego divorce mediation services to couples seeking creative divorce solutions. We offer a one-stop shop approach for couples who are looking for a way to dissolve their marriages amicably and with mutual respect. We can handle every aspect of your divorce for you, so there won’t be a need to hire expensive attorneys. To learn more about our revolutionary approach to divorce, give us a call today at 858-281-2628.
Disclaimer: This blog does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation, it is best to seek the advice of an experienced legal professional.
For many people, a house represents one of the largest assets that must be decided upon during a divorce. Your house may also have special meaning to you if you’ve lived in it for years or it was your first home. You might also be concerned about having to move out of your house if it’s near where you work or you’ve developed many friendships nearby. In most cases, someone will have to move out after the divorce, and it’s possible both of you might. Figuring out who gets to keep the house in your divorce takes you one step closer to planning for the next part of your life. The San Diego divorce mediation experts from Divorce Options San Diego offer the following advice on how to decide who will keep the house after the divorce.
Understand the Community Property Presumption
In California, there are laws regarding how community property is divided during a divorce. If you bought your home after you were married, it will be considered jointly owned. If one of you bought the house before you got married, it technically should belong to the person who purchased it. However, this can get complicated. If the other spouse contributed toward mortgage payments, repairs, or remodeling, he or she may be considered a joint owner. You’ll need to carefully look at how you’ve managed your household to determine who has rights to ownership of the house.
Explore Your Options
There are several different methods you can use to decide who gets the house. If neither of you is interested in keeping the house, you can put it on the market and divide the profits. This is also an option if you reach a complete standstill and cannot decide who should stay in the house. Another option is to have the spouse who wants to stay in the house buy out the other spouse’s share. This can be done by having the spouse buying out the house give up a certain portion of the other assets, or it could be accomplished through a more traditional buyout.
In California, community property law usually overrides title law. Sometimes the spouse who isn’t on the title could get the house, especially if he or she also gets primary custody of the children, and the other spouse can get his or her half of the community property through other assets.
Consider the Children’s Needs
When children are involved in a divorce, their needs come first. In some cases, the court may recommend adding stipulations, such as a condition stating the spouse who stays in the house cannot sell it for a certain amount of time. You may also want the home to go to the spouse who will have physical custody of the children so they can continue to live their lives as normally as possible during the transition.
Work Through the Decision in Mediation
As with many aspects of divorce, deciding who gets the house may get complicated and heated at times. A mediator can help you both understand your rights to the property along with what the state expects to see in your final agreement. Although it may take several sessions, working out this agreement with a mediator allows you the best chance to get your desired outcome.
The mediators at Divorce Options San Diego are all certified financial planners who apply thorough analysis to your divorce to achieve an optimized result that will cover all aspects of your financial situation, including investments, property, and all other assets or debts. All the practical, legal, financial, and psychological aspects of fair, respectful divorce agreements can be managed by Divorce Options San Diego’s experienced, trustworthy San Diego divorce mediators. Couples can rely on our comprehensive process, which is so thorough there won’t be a need for attorneys. Give us a call today at 858-281-2628.
Disclaimer: This blog does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation, it is best to seek the advice of an experienced legal professional.
Divorce is painful, and you might have gone for many months or years without feeling joy in your relationship. Now that your marriage is over, you may be ready to start thinking about finding someone to love again. Dating after a divorce does require you to make some changes in your life, and you can make sure your future relationship is healthy by taking these steps, offered by the professionals from Divorce Options San Diego, the expert divorce mediators San Diego couples rely on for creative alternatives to the often contentious and costly divorce process.
Start with a Healthy Divorce
Although you may have visions of roses and long walks on the beach in mind, you need to remember that finding love should always begin by making sure your life is on the right path. If you’re still going through your divorce, you need to make sure you and your spouse come to an agreement you both can live with. Keeping things civil during your divorce arrangements helps you avoid animosity and anger in your life that could deter a new love interest from getting involved. One of the best ways to have an amicable divorce is to use divorce mediation. San Diego couples can part ways with respect and goodwill when they use the services of an experienced mediator.
Consider the Timing
You should also make sure this is the right time to search for love again. In most cases, it’s best to wait for your divorce to be final, as this prevents issues such as jealousy from affecting your divorce discussions. You may also find waiting a little longer helps you take some time to focus on healing from the ending of your marriage.
Think About What You Need
During your marriage, you might have put your spouse’s needs first. You may have changed a lot over the years, and what you need in a relationship now probably isn’t the same as what you needed when you first met your spouse. For instance, you might need to find a love interest who also has a steady career or will be kind to your children. Make a list of nonnegotiable things you expect in a romantic partner so you can stick to it when you start meeting new people.
Indulge in Some Self-Care
The past several months might have been stressful, and you may have let a few things go. Take some time to get yourself ready to put a fresh face forward. Go get that new haircut you’ve been waiting for, or consider picking up a few new things to wear on a first date. You might also want to take a class or pick up a new hobby that gives you something to talk about on dates.
Put Yourself Out There
Once you’ve done the inner and outer prep work, it’s time to let your best self shine. You can find potential partners online or let some people in your life know you’re interested in being matched up. Then make a date or two. As you do, keep an open mind, and try to remember finding love takes time but is worth the effort.
Ending your marriage in a cordial way can help you start your new life with a fresh, healthy outlook. When divorcing couples are looking for opportunities to make the process as smooth, respectful, and amicable as possible, divorce mediation offers a fantastic alternative to the animosity and high costs of traditional divorce. Trust Divorce Options San Diego’s experienced divorce mediators to handle every aspect of your divorce quickly and with compassion. To learn how divorce mediation might be the right choice for you, call Divorce Options San Diego today at 858-281-2628.
Disclaimer: This article does not constitute legal advice. If you have any questions about your individual situation, it is best to seek the advice of an experienced legal professional.
The decisions you make during your divorce can affect your life for years. While you may already have gone through the process of splitting up some of your personal effects, you still have a long way to go toward reaching an agreement to submit to the court. During your mediation sessions, you can expect to cover four main issues that commonly arise during divorce. Thinking about them now helps you have an idea of what you want when you have your first mediation session. The team from Divorce Options San Diego—professionals who are transforming the divorce process with expert San Diego divorce mediation couples rely on for customized divorce solutions—offer the following explanations of the most common issues in divorce.
1. The Division of Property and Debts
As a general rule, California considers any property and debts accrued during a marriage to be community property. In some cases, things that were owned before the marriage may need to be included in the agreement. For instance, one of you may have owned a house before the marriage, but both of you have invested heavily in remodeling it over the years. If you get stuck on decisions about who will keep the house or pay off a credit card, your mediator can let you know what the court typically expects to see regarding the division of property.
2. Child Custody & Visitation
Parental responsibility is another major issue you need to talk about with your spouse. Child custody involves selecting which parent will provide the primary residence for your child. You’ll also need to discuss how you’ll handle important decisions regarding your child’s medical care, education, and other pertinent aspects of his or her life. In many cases, parents choose to share in making these decisions for their children. The parent the child doesn’t live with the majority of the time may also want to have an established visitation plan in place.
3. Spousal Support
In California, it may be necessary for one spouse to pay the other some form of support during and after the divorce. This is usually the case when one spouse has stayed home to raise the children while the other worked. Spousal support may also be provided to someone who is disabled and out of the workforce. You’ll need to discuss how much spousal support needs to be paid, and you can establish a date for when the support will end, which may depend on multiple factors, such as the person’s skill set and his or her likelihood of finding a suitable job following the divorce.
4. Child Support
If you have children, you’ll need to decide how much support the noncustodial parent must pay. This is another area where many factors can apply, so it’s important to avoid simply going by what you hear other parents say they pay or receive. The amount of child support required should be enough to maintain the standard of living the child enjoyed before the divorce. There may also be special circumstances that increase how much support is needed, such as a health issue that requires special medication or equipment.
No matter what issues you and your spouse need to resolve, all the practical, legal, financial, and psychological aspects of fair, respectful divorce agreements can be managed by Divorce Options San Diego’s experienced, trustworthy San Diego divorce mediators. Couples can rely on our comprehensive process, which is so thorough there won’t be a need for attorneys. To learn how we can help you with every facet of your divorce, call us today at 858-281-2628.
January is National Child-Centered Divorce Month in the U.S. A child-centered divorce puts children’s interests front and center, and this involves a number of factors. One thing research tells us is that children need their fathers. While divorce can be hard on children, it appears that when children have more time with both parents, they have better outcomes after divorce. The “sweet spot,” or baseline percentage of free time a dad should spend with his kids, is 35 percent, according to an article on the Fatherly website:
So how do you get to this sweet spot with your kids? There are a couple of major obstacles most fathers will have to tackle on the way to equitable parenting arrangements.
Negotiating a Parenting Plan
First of all, depending on the nature of your divorce, it may require a lot of negotiation and conflict resolution to agree on the time you spend with your kids. The second thing is your own schedule: if you’re the breadwinner and/or you relied on your partner to take care of the children, you’ll have to dig deep into your own time resources to make it happen.
Mediation involves negotiation between spouses in the presence of a neutral third party (the mediator). The mediator is there to help you own your divorce and come to agreements. The San Diego divorce mediators at Divorce Options San Diego are experts at crafting complex but flexible parenting plans, using scheduling tools that can give substance and structure to your agreements. Our mediators also have psychoanalytical expertise to direct your negotiations in healthy ways that can encourage a positive co-parenting relationship.
The upsurge in outspoken dads like Dwayne Johnson (aka “The Rock”), who thrived despite divorce, show it’s possible to be a hands-on dad after divorce. That being said, negotiations with your spouse may involve getting past deeply ingrained stereotypes. Divorced dads may have to combat these ideas in both their spouses and themselves. Some of the more common stereotypes for divorced fathers include:
- Finding it difficult to be in “active” decision-making parenting roles rather than “passive” ones
- Working more hours so they can pay child support, resulting in less time spent with their kids
- Acting as weekend dads or “fun” parents while leaving the hands-on aspects of parenting to the mothers
All these stereotypes might end up affecting the co-parenting agreement and the time spent with your children. Dads themselves may end up perpetuating many of these stereotypes—demanding more time with the kids while being unwilling to take on more active or responsible parenting roles or feeling the pressure to earn more money and spend less time with the kids. The San Diego divorce mediation experts at Divorce Options San Diego use tools like game theory to identify areas of common interest and overcome cultural stereotypes. We help couples stay grounded in their children’s best interests so they can allocate realistic and fair amounts of time for the kids to spend with both parents. We can also empower (and even coach) dads to ask for what they really want and learn how to step up to the responsibilities of parenting.
Our Services & How We Can Help
At Divorce Options San Diego, we are highly qualified professional mediators and certified financial planners with psychoanalytical expertise. When considering divorce, many people assume they’re facing an expensive battle, expecting a “win-lose” outcome and numerous court appearances. At Divorce Options San Diego, we reframe divorce as an opportunity to generate creative, optimized solutions for your future and your kids’ future. We never litigate. We don’t do adversarial work, and we never represent one spouse against another.
Divorce Options San Diego puts a high premium on a peaceful, child-centered divorce. We use developmental psychology, attachment theory, psychology of grieving, and family systems psychology to help you and your children through the difficult emotional transition. We help divorcing parents draft multiphase parenting plans that consider the children’s developmental needs. These parenting plans are flexible but thorough and in compliance with California law. We help co-parents create parenting plans that will withstand the challenges of parenting, even if national or international relocation is involved. We can also assist you with the tools to stay connected to your child even if you aren’t the primary caregiver.
Mediation is a 100 percent confidential process, so you can be assured your divorce will be handled with care and privacy. At Divorce Options San Diego, we emphasize an efficient, caring process that leaves out no detail relevant to your emotional, financial, or legal situation, leaving you free to get on with your life and care for your kids and yourself both during and after your divorce. We have offices in Solana Beach, CA, but we can work with you remotely at your convenience via telephone, video-conferencing apps, and other forms of electronic communication. Please contact us at 858-281-2628 for a discreet and confidential consultation to see how we can help.